Berlin

During Drinking Poker last night in the hostel bar, amidst the standard misbegotten collection of travellers you get in such places, it occured to me to write a breakdown of the different types of backpackers:

Australians: Laid back, friendly, loud, they will claim that they feel they are most like Canadians even though they are perhaps more like Americans, but you forgive them for that fault because, well, they're not Americans.

New Zealanders (Kiwis): Almost EXACTLY like Canadians, if a bit quieter.

Americans: Fall into either the category of "Offensively obnoxious" or "Polite Darlings", with no variations in between. Most likely to be the ones the rest of the group is embarassed by around 3am in the bar.

Mexicans: Continually smiling and cheerful, most likely because they are thinking "Oh, thank God I am not in Mexico".

English Boys: Quiet and reserved until you get a few drinks into them, and then.... well, they're still quiet and reserved, but at least then they're a bit racist too, which is entertaining.

English Girls: See "English Boys", but add "sluts".

Scots: They hold this silent intensity about them (that only maginfies after a few drinks). Their accent ranges from "muttering and incomprehensible" to "primal grunts and moans".

Irish Guys: I've been told that Irishmen are allowed to take a break from drinking whiskey and sheep farming to travel, but I've never seen any evidence to the fact. I also haven't been looking very hard, because who cares when you have....

Irish Girls: Charming, winsome and as lovely as a group of unbelievable drunks can be.

Spaniards: They will smile, nod and laugh for a good 30 minutes while you're talking to them before you realize they don't speak a word of English. Prone to forming impromptu dance parties to whatever music happens to be playing at the time.

Italians: Really not as degenerate as everyone would have me believe.

Germans: Friendly in a very weird, weird, sort of way. Never trust the ones who look normal, the punks are the much more endearing of the species.

Canadians: Conceintous, friendly and beloved the world over. Except for French Canadians. No one likes French Canadians.

Japanese and Argentinians: Miserable bastards who will wake you up early in the morning (11:15) with their inconsiderately loud packing after a night of Drinking Poker, right when you're hangover is gaining steam, but past when all the tours you were thinking of doing have already gone past, forcing you to waste time writing up cultural stereotypes on your blog.